


what you don't know (can hurt you)

by parklegacies



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, F/F, Slow Burn, best friends to enemies to lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-01-13 00:01:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21234767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parklegacies/pseuds/parklegacies
Summary: College AUAfter Penelope does something irreconcilable freshman year, she and Josie haven't spoken in nearly two years. But when they suddenly have a class together and Penelope is living with Josie's best friend Hope, how will their actions freshman year come back, and will they be able to move on?Side Hizzie.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all!  
I hope you all enjoy this, and feel free to let me know what you think in the comments!  
:)

Josie had always loved the first day of classes. It was the time before your work really started picking up, but you got an introduction to your professors and got to gauge the rest of the semester. A good first day could set the tone for the rest of the semester. That’s why she was always sure to wake up early, eat a nice breakfast, dress in her favorite skirt and blouse, and arrive to class early to get the best seating, blasting motivational music during the walk over from her dorm. It had been her tradition since freshman year, and the playlist she still listened to had been carefully curated for her freshman year by a certain she-who-shall-not-be-named. Regardless, the music on it was pretty inspiring and never failed to get her excited for her classes. Lizzie would’ve called it a bad omen, and if Josie had believed in that sort of thing, she just might’ve listened. Unfortunately, Josie didn’t believe in that, and so when she walked into her first class of the day, she was stunned to find that she wasn’t the only person in the room. Sitting in the middle row of the classroom, slightly to the left side, in what Josie would’ve deemed the ideal seat, was the second coming of Voldemort herself, one Penelope Park. 

And of course, just like the villain she was, it was as though she’d sensed Josie thinking her name, because she slowly turned around with a smirk already tugging at the corner of her lips. 

“Good morning Jojo, been a while.” Penelope was now fully smirking at her, with her eyes glinting in the harsh fluorescent light of the classroom, sparking with something that looked dangerously like hope. Josie felt herself fill with rage as her hands curled into tight fists at her sides. She decided to drown out Penelope by turning up her music, but upon the realization that the playlist had been created by none other than the girl in front of her, she quickly gave up any hope, resigning herself to the complete and utter torture of having to endure the next ten minutes before class started, her eyes brimming with anger every time she even caught a glimpse of the girl before her.

“So Jojo, what brings you over to the psychology department? Just missed seeing me?” Penelope still wore that smirk but followed it up with one of her infamous winks. Josie rolled her eyes. Then, she was hit by what Penelope had said.

Josie spun around to face Penelope, glaring. “What are you talking about?” she snapped at her.

Penelope looked almost taken aback that Josie had actually replied to her for once, even if it had been angry and caustic, but the look was gone as quickly as it had appeared, as she schooled her face back to a neutral expression and snapping her top bitch façade back into place. Penelope had gotten really good at controlling what other people saw of her emotions. “I’m a psychology major. Declared last year. Thought it could be a great way to gain some insight into that sister of yours. Clearly you had the same idea.” Penelope’s eyes flickered to the back of the room where Lizzie had just entered. Before Josie had a chance to reply, Lizzie was jumping in.

“Au contraire, Satan. We simply needed to discover what could cause one person, born to a well-off and picturesque family, to grow up to become the Devil incarnate. We’re hoping there might be a cure buried in the pages of these textbooks. If I were you, I’d study up.” If they’d been looking, they might’ve seen a crack in Penelope Park’s façade, a glimmer of complete anguish and grief, but they weren’t looking, and Penelope was quite good at schooling her features. With that, the rest of the class began to filter in, and the conversation halted for the duration of their class.

\---------

As soon as they got out of class, Josie and Lizzie made a beeline for the dining hall, where they were meeting Hope for a late breakfast before the rest of their classes. It had been a tradition of theirs to do a weekly breakfast since their sophomore year, when Josie had met Hope at a premed interest meeting, before deciding that premed wasn’t for her. Hope was still sticking with it, working as an EMT on campus and juggling her premed requirements with her other classes. Afterwards, Josie had invited Hope to join her and Lizzie for dinner, and they’d all been best friends ever since. 

“God, I can’t believe we are in a class with Penelope freaking Park. Of course, after two years, the devil would pop right back into our lives. I finally have my life together and the Dark Lord herself just shows up again. You should’ve heard the smug way she was talking to me before class, it’s like she is incapable of acknowledging that she seriously messed up my life and she was completely unaffected! I don’t understand how someone can be that evil and selfish. And on top of all of that, she’s a psych major! Because of course she is!” Josie let out a deep exhale and her head thumped down onto the table. 

“Hold on. Josette Saltzman. Explain yourself right now, because you just said Penelope Park, also known as the girl I was randomly paired to live with this year, and not once in an entire year have you mentioned her. What gives?” Hope turned to her expectantly, head slightly cocked to the side and resting her chin in her hand with her elbow rested on the table. She looked a mixture of frustrated and confused. “Didn’t you think it pertinent to tell me about your supposed arch nemesis when you found out I’d be living with her? What did she do?” Lizzie remained quiet, watching the exchange while giving Josie a knowing look and placing a hand lovingly on her shoulder.

“I don’t want to talk about it, just know that she is Satan incarnate.” She huffed.

“She seemed pretty nice when I’ve talked with her, what happened with you guys?”

Lizzie jumped in, “We all lived together freshman year. She was my roommate in our suite.” She had an almost panicked look in her eyes.

Hope chuckled in response. “Roommate issues, got it.” She slightly rolled eyes, but the warning look in Lizzie’s eyes combined with the obvious distress written across Josie’s face told her to let it go, at least for now. The girls put any talk of Penelope in the back of their minds and focused on catching up. Hope had barely seen Lizzie and Josie since being back, and she needed to get caught up on their summers. Josie and Lizzie had been in Belgium visiting their mother. Caroline was an ambassador, so they’d been quite a few places growing up. While they’d mostly lived with their dad when they were young, as they got older, they’d moved in with Caroline. She’d sworn up and down it was because she missed her girls, but deep down they all knew the real reason was that Alaric had become less functioning and more drunk. They still saw him on holidays and special occasions, but Caroline had been doing her best to shield them from the worst of it. It hadn’t really gotten bad until they’d left for college. Sometimes Josie thought that he had been so focused on raising her and Lizzie he hadn’t ever had time to grieve the loss of their biological mom and the love of his life, and when the girls left, they took any semblance of togetherness he’d had left with them. It made Josie feel irreconcilably guilty, especially seeing the bad condition he was in. What made her even feel even guiltier though, was that she was grateful she rarely saw him now. 

The girls got all caught up during their brunch, before Josie had to head off to her next class. As it turned out, she and Hope had a biology class together. Even though she’d dropped premed, she still loved her biology classes, so she’d decided to keep it as a minor. Plus, it was a nice way to spend more time with Hope. If it wasn’t class related it was hard to find time to see her with how busy she was. They’d all made plans to meet up at Hope’s that night for a game night with the boys. It had been a while since they’d all hung out, and it would be a nice way to get back into the swing of things. Hope swore that her roommate would be out for most of the night, something about working or whatever, which meant that they’d be able to hang out in peace. Despite the horrific start to her morning, the rest of her day passed by rather uneventfully, and she was looking forward to all of them hanging out that night.

After all, they did game nights like this all the time last year. What could go wrong?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Game night chapter! Let me know what you guys think!

Hope had been stress cleaning since she’d gotten out of class that day. Penelope had offered to help after Hope told her she’d be having people over tonight, but Hope had refused. She was hoping it would help to calm her nerves. She also didn’t want Penelope asking too many questions about who would be over tonight. Maybe she should’ve told the girl that the twins were coming, after all, it was clear that they hated Penelope. But she wanted to be able to spend time with her friends, and she wasn’t sure how Penelope felt about the idea of them coming over. Hope couldn’t just not invite her two best friends over. Besides, Penelope wasn’t even going to be home until long after everyone had left. Also, Josie had definitely made it seem like there was a pretty good reason for hating Penelope, and while Hope wasn’t going to be so quick to judge (after all, she didn’t know anything about it), she knew Josie, and it must’ve been pretty serious to keep her upset after two years. Hope firmly nodded to herself and went about cleaning the counters of their apartment, trying to keep her mind off of the back-and-forth conflict going on in her head. On one hand, this was her apartment, and she had the right to have over whoever she wanted. On the other hand, it might’ve been common courtesy to alert her roommate to the potentially hostile environment. God, she needed a drink. So yeah, maybe she should’ve told Penelope, but what was stress cleaning for?

As soon as Penelope left around 7:00, calling over her shoulder that she wouldn’t be home until late and to have fun with game night, Hope texted everyone to come over. MG was the first to arrive, of course, Kaleb in tow. Hope had met Kaleb during her brief stint freshman year as a student manager of the football team. When being an EMT had gotten busier, she’d had to quit, but she and Kaleb and remained close friends. Kaleb knew when to call her out, and he was more honest with her than Josie and Lizzie were. It was always refreshing to be around him, even when he said the things she didn’t necessarily want to hear. When he’d introduced her to MG, it had been immediately obvious that he would join their group of friends. Initially, he’d been pining over Lizzie, and when they made out at a frat party last year, it had made Hope’s stomach knot and she’d been filled with an unfamiliar sense of unease or something. She would’ve almost called it jealousy if she didn’t know better, which of course she did. She’d attributed it to not wanting the friend group to fall apart, so when Lizzie had made it clear she was not interested in going further, and MG agreed, setting his sights on his now-girlfriend Nia, Hope had not complained one bit. And so what if she’d felt tension she hadn’t known was there drain out of her body and her heart nearly skipped a beat when Lizzie had smirked at her after MG told her about Nia. She was just happy they could all still hang out together. 

Kaleb and MG had brought pizzas with them, though half of one of the pizzas was already gone. She’d seen that and immediately rolled her eyes at Kaleb, who replied with a mumbled apology and an I got hungry on the way over, so sue me. She just laughed and grabbed a slice. Josie and Lizzie didn’t even bother knocking. Lizzie never knocked. It had resulted more than once in a very embarrassed Hope and a very flustered Lizzie when Hope forgot to lock her door while she was changing, but overall, she didn’t mind. She liked that Liz felt comfortable enough to just come in. Lizzie sauntered into the kitchen with Josie trailing a bit behind her. Hope went over to give both of them hugs, Josie shifting the cookies she was carrying to the other hand to give Hope a one-handed hug, and Lizzie paying no regard whatever she was carrying, pulling Hope in with both hands despite both of them being full. Hope rolled her eyes and laughed, but reciprocated nonetheless. When she pulled away, she saw what Lizzie had been carrying and shot her an exasperated look at the fifth of vodka in one hand and 6-pack of beer in the other.

“Liz, I thought we said sober game night?” Hope huffed out.

“Well, Hope, we did in fact say that. But then I went home and decided that it is syllabus week, and we should absolutely start this school year off with a bang, which means we undoubtedly must get hammered. It is our duty as college students.” Lizzie gave a firm nod and smiled, satisfied with her answer. She’d barely finished before Kaleb was uncapping a beer and taking a long swig.

“Hey, Hope, I gotta say I’m with Lizzie on this one.” Kaleb and Lizzie fist bumped around Hope, and Hope threw her hands up in the air, feigning exasperation.

“Fine, you win! There’s mixers in the fridge.” Secretly, Hope had known all along that Lizzie would bring alcohol, because Lizzie always brought alcohol to game nights, no matter how many times Hope told her it would be sober. Hope would never admit to it, but she never minded, because when Lizzie got drunk she got affectionate, which meant she would also sit a little closer to Hope than usual, and would hug her a lot. Like a lot. It was almost cute. Hope attributed that to Lizzie letting a little more loose with her friendships when her inhibitions were lowered, growing more affectionate with everyone. If you were to ask someone else to weigh in, which they never did, they may have commented that Lizzie didn’t get more affectionate in all her friendships, in fact she was just as snarky as ever, drunk or not, it was just Hope that she sat a little close to, just Hope that she hugged a little more, just Hope who she would find any excuse to touch, whether it was her shoulder, her back, playing with her hair, holding her hand. But they never asked someone else, and nobody ever brought it up. Lizzie was straight, after all.

When everyone had a drink, they all settled in Hope’s living room, Kaleb and MG on the sofa, Josie to their left on the floor with a pillow she’d pulled off the couch, and Hope and Lizzie across from her in an armchair, Lizzie sitting in the seat with Hope perched on the arm. They’d decided to start off with a drinking game. Hope had wanted to start off playing cards, but Lizzie had wanted them to start getting drunk and had sworn a drinking game was the only acceptable way to do so. So they’d compromised, and now they were playing Ride the Bus. They hadn’t even been playing twenty minutes and everyone had already had to go get another drink. Lizzie was the dealer, but she’d insisted on drinking each time someone had guessed incorrectly, meaning she was seriously drunk at this point. Somehow, over the course of the game, Hope had ended up seated in the armchair, and Lizzie was curled in next to her, half in her lap.

Lizzie sat forward, swaying slightly in her seat. “Okay, MG, red or black?”

“Um, okay, I’ve been guessing red all night to no avail, I’m going with black.” MG finished with a grandiose sweep of his arm. Lizzie smirked as she placed a red card face up in front of him, and immediately started laughing at the look on his face. 

“Nope, that’s it! Game over, this has gotta be rigged man. Statistically, I would’ve gotten at least ONE right by now!” Kaleb started laughing so hard at MG that he fell out of his seat, bumping into the table and sending the cards skittering off the side. “Kaleb, this isn’t funny! I should’ve gotten at least one right by now!” MG exclaimed frustratedly. Kaleb just kept laughing.

“Nah bro, you should’ve seen the look on your face! Lizzie, I told you!” Lizzie huffed and begrudgingly handed Kaleb $5, but she was still laughing.

“Hold up,” MG exclaimed, “did y’all BET on me?” He threw a hand over his heart, slightly slurring his speech, and doing his best to act betrayed.

“Sure did, bro, and you did not disappoint.” Kaleb replied now that he was finally under control. He flashed the 5-dollar bill at MG.

“That’s it, I’m done with this game.” MG crossed his arms and sat back against the couch. They were all too drunk already to be upset about the end of the game, but they decided on what to play next. Hope shifted away from Lizzie and got up to get another round of drinks for everyone, shivering slightly at the loss of contact.

“Okay Jo, your call!” She called back towards Josie. “We can’t trust them to make a good decision.” Hope turned around and stuck her tongue out at the rest of the group. Josie started giggling. She was far more intoxicated than she was willing to admit. Suddenly her eyes lit up mischievously.

“Ooh, I know! Let’s play truth or dare!” She finished off with a wide smile that revealed just how drunk she actually was. Luckily, the rest of the group was too, because they all eagerly agreed. Hope returned with the new round of drinks, and they all settled in to play truth or dare. Inevitably, they’d always end up playing at game night, sometimes with more resistance than others. They made sure to never cross the line, just pulling little pranks on each other. MG had to prank call the pizza place and order it to the University President’s house, Kaleb had thrown up after eating a raw egg, Lizzie had had to go ask her ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend who lived in the suite next door to borrow a pair of shoes. Somehow, Josie and Hope usually made it away unscathed. Probably because they usually chose truth.

“Okay Jo, your game, why don’t you kick us off.” With that, Hope sat back in her seat, and Lizzie practically fell into her lap. She rested her left arm on Lizzie’s thigh as she held her drink, and with her right hand she motioned for Josie to proceed.

“Okay, y’all know the rules. If you won’t answer or do the dare, you down your drink. Alright. Hmmm, MG, truth or dare?” A devilish grin played out across her face.

“Uhhh, I pick dare.” MG said as he thrust his finger triumphantly into the air.

“I dare you to stop sharing your location with your mom.” Josie smirked.

“Oh hell no,” MG emphasized his point by downing the rest of his drink. “I value my own life, thank you VERY much.” At this point, the whole room was cracking up. MG’s mom was notoriously helicopter. She had three different apps downloaded on his phone to track his location, and she would randomly check in, wondering where he was. He called at least twice a day to keep her appraised to what he was doing. She was a little overbearing, but everyone knew it was just because she cared.

“You’re really chickening out of a dare MG?” Lizzie shook her head in disapproval. “I am so disappointed in you, that’s weak.”

“Fine, if we’re going like that tonight, then I dare you to make out with Hope.” He nodded pointedly. Hope let out a light chuckle, ignoring the way her heart rate picked up at the thought.

“MG, you didn’t even say truth or dare.” Hope rolled her eyes, taking more care than usual to try to add annoyance to her tone.

“Sorry Hope, but I’m calling her bluff. There’s some stuff you just won’t do for a dare.” MG had barely finished speaking when Lizzie shifted in Hope’s lap, turning towards her and taking Hope’s face in her hands while leaning in and connecting their lips. It took Hope a minute to realize what was happening, but after a brief moment of hesitation she was kissing Lizzie back. Kaleb whooped in the background, while Josie and MG were sitting in stunned silence, baffled by the sight before them. Lizzie smirked against Hope’s mouth, and decided if she was doing this, there was no point holding back. She bit down on Hope’s lip, shocking the girl just enough for Lizzie to deepen the kiss. When Hope responded in kind, Lizzie’s brain short-circuited before she was finally able to pull away. If they’d all been a little more sober, they would’ve noticed that Hope’s pupils were blown, and Lizzie was still unable to catch her breath, both of the girls radiating heat off of them. They would’ve noticed that perhaps that kiss had been a little too long to be just a dare. But when Hope excused herself to go to the bathroom, her heart pounding, they all just continued whooping at Lizzie. As she was heading to the bathroom, she heard Lizzie say, a little slurred and detached, whether from the alcohol or the intoxicating kiss they’d just shared nobody was sure, “MG, I never back down from a dare.”

Hope stayed in the bathroom for nearly five minutes, which is about how long it took for her to realize three important things: 1) She had just had to absolute best kiss of her life with one of her best friends, 2) She was in love with Lizzie Saltzman, and no amount of denial would ever change that fact, 3) Lizzie was undeniably straight. Hope decided she needed another drink, and while she wasn’t sure she could face Lizzie and the rest of the party tonight, she knew she needed to put her feelings aside and suck it up. After all, everyone was drunk, and she knew they wouldn’t think much of it.

After Hope had gotten up, Lizzie had completely zoned out of the game, replaying the kiss in her brain. God, Hope was a good kisser. She knew she was drunk, but still. She couldn’t help the way her pulse had quickened at the feel of Hope kissing her back, and the slight moan that Hope had let out when she’d bitten her lip. Her mind had wandered so much, she didn’t notice that a few rounds had passed, and it was now Josie’s turn, nor did she notice the look of panic in Hope’s eyes as she froze. She didn’t snap out of her daze until she heard MG’s exclamation from his place on the couch.

“Hey, Peez, why don’t you come join us?” 

Penelope Park had just walked through the door. She’d had a long night, and she was ready to go to sleep. She had been hoping that Hope’s game night would be over by now, but when she saw MG perched on the sofa, drunk off his ass and calling out to her to join, she couldn’t help but smirk at him, and readily agree, heading over to where they were all sitting in the living room. She didn’t pay much attention to who else was there, though she’d spotted Kaleb out of the corner of her eye. When Penelope rounded past the counter, she could’ve sworn her heart stopped. Sitting there cross-legged on her floor was none other than Josie Saltzman. The girl she’d been in love with since freshman year. The girl whose heart she’d broken. The girl who hated her with a passion. She froze, waiting for Josie to turn around. 

Josie must’ve been really drunk, because when she finally did turn around and face Penelope, she just said, “Well, Park, truth or dare?” Her tone definitely held malice, but not as much as it had earlier today, and it was twinged with another emotion that Penelope couldn’t quite place, but whatever it was, it gave her a little bit of hope. Penelope knew she shouldn’t answer, that she should’ve turned around and went back into her room and locked the door and not looked back. But there was something about the way Josie had said it, and the fact that she’d said it at all. Penelope hadn’t been able to tear her eyes away from Josie, and so despite every cell in her body telling her to turn around and run away, she felt the blood rushing to her head and her heart pounding against her ribcage and she heard herself respond.

“Dare.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, thanks for reading! The next chapter will be coming soon, but I hope y'all like it so far. :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoy the new chapter!

Josie knew exactly how drunk she was when the next words that left her mouth were, “I dare you to go fuck Alyssa again.” She knew, but she didn’t care. The words had left her practically of their own volition. Almost. Part of her knew she should regret what she’d said, but a bigger part of her had been waiting for two years with absolutely no semblance of closure, and she wasn’t about to back down now. So maybe she should’ve felt guilty for what she’d said, but she didn’t. She was the one who’d been left heartbroken and devastated, with no explanation, and she’d be damned if she was going to pass up the opportunity now. All of the anger that had been bubbling in her for two years spilled over, and as drunk as she was she couldn’t find the energy or sense to stop it.

The second the words had left Josie’s mouth, Penelope tensed, locking her jaw and setting her face to neutral, draining any of the emotions she’d previously been displaying. She’d come home tired, her guard down, and had lulled herself into a false sense of security. She steeled herself for what was coming next, prepared to take whatever Josie saw fit to throw at her. Lizzie cut Josie with a warning glare from across the room.

“Jo,” she began cautiously, her tone stern and warning, “now is not the time or the place. You’re drunk. You should—”

“No, you know what Lizzie, I think I’m owed an explanation.” Josie stood up with this, swaying gently, her eyes alight with anger. “She just shut down. She moved out, Lizzie! And never bothered to give me any sort of explanation at all.” She turned to Penelope. “You are the most selfish, obnoxious, evil person I have ever met, and I pray that I will never have to look in your self-centered face again. You really showed me who you are Penelope, going on all year about how you just wanted to be a good friend, saying you cared about me. God, you really joined the wrong department, because Theatre could’ve had a field day with you! At least now, you’ll get to learn how the hell a person can be as fucked up as you are. Or better yet, you can find some even better ways to gain someone’s trust and then rip their heart out. I bet they’ve got some great tricks they can teach you in the Psychology department. Although, you’ve been doing just fine on your own, haven’t you? You take selfish to a whole other level, Penelope.” At this point, tears were streaming down Josie’s face, and she crumpled to the floor in a rack of sobs. Lizzie rushed to Josie’s side and held her as sobs racked her body. Hope, Kaleb, and MG stood on the other side of the room, dumbfounded and unsure of how to handle the situation. Penelope’s fist clenched tighter by her side, as though she’d thought about reaching out to Josie but had thought better of it. Instead, as tears threatened to spill down her face, she ducked her head and spun on her heel, walking out the front door of the apartment before anyone could see the emotions breaking through her walls and contorting her face.

Hope was still glued to the floor, her eyes darting back and forth between the door Penelope had just walked out of, and Josie and Lizzie on the floor. MG and Kaleb seemed just as startled as she was, and when MG finally sputtered out something resembling a question, Hope snapped back into focus, politely requesting that they please leave so she can talk to Josie and Lizzie and figure out what the hell was going on. Still in shock, she had no issues ushering them out the door before turning back to Josie and Lizzie.

“That,” she began, “is not roommate issues. What the hell happened between you two?” Josie was beginning to regain her composure as Lizzie sat coaching her breathing. “I need one of you to explain to me what exactly happened between you are my current roommate.” Hope had never seen Josie look so distraught, and while she felt guilty for pushing the girl when she was so obviously vulnerable, she needed an explanation. Especially after she’d blindsided Penelope with Josie’s presence, and after they’d all downplayed the entire situation.

Josie took a shaky breath and got to her feet, walking with Lizzie and Hope over to the couch to sit down. Lizzie perched on the armchair; her knees curled into her chest. Josie settled on one end of the couch, one leg crossed to rest under her thigh, with a blanket draped haphazardly across her lap, while Hope took a seat on the other end of the couch, facing Josie with her elbow on the back of the couch and her chin resting in her hand. Once they were settled, she motioned for the girls to start the story. Josie took a breath to begin, and Lizzie shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

“As you know, Lizzie and I lived in the same suite as Penelope our freshman year. She and Lizzie were roommates,” she paused to clear her throat. “What you don’t know is, Penelope and I were best friends. We did everything together, and we were practically joined at the hip. She was amazing, and she always encouraged me and gave me advice, but she was also a great listener. I could always come to her with anything, and I knew she would respond without judgment, and would just listen to me and be there for me.” She took a deep breath, swallowing the lump in her throat before continuing. “Well, freshman year there was this girl, Alyssa, and I had the biggest crush on her. I talked to Penelope about her all the time, and eventually, we started dating. We kept everything really secretive and lowkey because Alyssa wasn’t out. The only person I told was Penelope. When things were hard because we couldn’t be out in public together, she was there for me. She listened to me about every up and down of the relationship. We weren’t together for a super long time, but I was in love with her. Then one day, she dumps me out of the blue. No explanation. Then she stops replying to my messages, and totally ghosted me. I was a complete wreck. So I called Penelope. She found me in tears, and she just listened while I told her everything. She knew how in love with Alyssa I was, and she had been so crucial in helping me. She was just there when I needed her. She saw how bad off I was, and there was nothing she could do. She’d never liked Alyssa, and she’d said some pretty unkind things about her. Then that night, just a few hours after she’d found me, she told me I was better off, and that Alyssa had never really loved me. We got into a huge fight, both of us said some things we shouldn’t have, and things ended up getting really nasty. So Penelope left. The next morning, I felt guilty, so I decided to go by her room to apologize to her, and right as I went to open the door, Alyssa came out of her room, wearing yesterday’s clothes and clutching her shoes. Classic walk of shame. I’m standing there, my jaw on the floor, when Penelope comes rushing out with that stupid smirk on her face to hand Alyssa her phone. When I confronted her about it, she didn’t even have the decency to apologize or acknowledge she’d done anything wrong. Just raised her eyebrow at me and turned on her heel, slinking back into her room, head held high. She had sex with the girl who’d just broken my heart to get back at me for a fight.” Josie’s hands began to shake, and her eyes were swimming with tears. Lizzie’s face flashed in pain beside her, and she reached out to lay her hand on Josie’s arm. “She never told me why, never gave me any explanation, and she moved out a week later. I saw her and Alyssa around campus together a few times after that, and neither of them ever spoke to me. I haven’t talked to Penelope in almost two years, Hope. That kind of hurt, it doesn’t go away.” Tears were streaming down Josie’s face, but she made no move to wipe them away. Instead, she curled her knees into her chest and wrapped her arms tightly around them, burying her face.

Hope was stunned. She turned to Lizzie, who just managed to give her a slight shrug of her shoulders before moving to wrap Josie in a hug. Josie loosened up in Lizzie’s embrace, and her crying started to subside. Hope could tell this was not new for them, and she couldn’t imagine how many times Lizzie had held Josie while she’d cried because of Penelope Park. She understood why they hated her so much, especially Josie, and why this hadn’t come up. It’s not exactly easy to talk about, especially when it’s clear Josie never had any closure and the situation was still so fresh. Hope felt like she’d torn open a wound, and she winced at the thought that Josie was crying right now because Hope made her talk about it. She felt guilty for chalking it up to roommate issues, and for inviting them both over to Penelope’s apartment. She sighed, burying her face in her hands while trying to think of a plan.

Despite the emotional night they’d had, all three of them were still drunk, especially Lizzie after matching everyone during Ride the Bus. Hope didn’t want them walking home, and after how much alcohol Lizzie had had, she wanted to keep an eye on her. She sighed. They needed to stay here. She figured she could talk to Lizzie in the morning, but she needed to get them to bed. She sent off one text then helped Josie and Lizzie to her room. She had a full-sized bed so they could all squeeze in together. After everyone had changed into pajamas, they all crammed into bed, Lizzie nearest the wall, Hope in the middle, and Josie on the outer edge. Laying in bed, Hope took a minute to reflect on everything that had happened tonight. While the end had been terrible and emotional and would definitely have repercussions Hope couldn’t even think about tomorrow, the middle had been something else entirely. Something totally unexpected. She thinks back to the feel of Lizzie’s lips on hers, the ghost of a breath that Lizzie had let out as she pulled away. The gentle way Lizzie’s hand had found its way into her hair, and the not-so-gentle tug of her hair when Lizzie had deepened their kiss. She smiles in the dark, her fingers unconsciously going to trace her lips before she reminds herself that it was a dare, nothing more. She falls asleep that way, listening to the sound of Lizzie’s ragged breaths and light snoring until she lulls to sleep.

Elsewhere, Penelope Park had gotten into her car as soon as she’d left her apartment. She’d sat, gripping the steering wheel with both hands, as her forehead rested on the wheel, and tears streamed down her face. Maybe she deserved the insults Josie had thrown at her. It had been selfish, even evil, to waltz back into Josie’s life like that after two years. She’d diluted herself into thinking that things could change between them. That they could move on. She wished so desperately that things could’ve gone differently freshman year. She wished she hadn’t gotten into that fight with Josie, that she’d just talked to her when she saw her in the hallway that morning, she wished every day since then that she could’ve explained herself, or why she’d done what she’d done. Her heart hurt every time she saw Josie, it longed to be closer to her. So if she’d registered one of her psychology classes this year because she knew that’s the section Josie would be in and she wanted to be near her for 75 minutes twice a week, then so be it. She would take what she could get. And yeah, it was selfish of her to insert herself back in to Josie’s life like that, obnoxious to trade insults with her and Lizzie whenever she got the chance. Maybe it even made her an evil person, but seeing Josie, interacting with her, made her week better. Penelope shook her head and sat back in her seat, wiping at any remaining tears. She needed to get out of here.

She started her car and pulled out of the parking lot. She had no idea where she was going, where she even could be going this late, but she didn’t care. All she knew was that she needed to put some distance between herself and Josie before her heart exploded. She wished Hope had warned her they’d be there, but she couldn’t blame her. How could Hope know what had gone down freshman year? Besides, it had been Penelope’s choice that had gotten her into this, now she had to live with that. She sighed and shook her head, turning up her music and trying to get out of her thoughts. So when her phone vibrated with a new text message, she didn’t even notice it. She just kept driving until the night turned into day and her gas tank was running on empty, all out of tears and dealing with the newfound tightness in her chest, her voice practically gone from screaming along to her music. 

She didn’t see the text message when she went back to her apartment at 5 o’clock in the morning, hoping to take a shower and catch a nap before she went to class.

She didn’t see it as she fumbled for her keys inside her bag.

She didn’t see it as she stumbled inside her apartment, taking care to shut the door quietly so she didn’t wake Hope.

She didn’t see it until she pulled out her phone as she walked in her room to see Josette Saltzman asleep in her bed, having stumbled her way in halfway through the night, still drunk, half asleep, and practically delirious after she’d rolled off Hope’s bed.

1 new message: Hope Mikaelson: Don’t bother coming home tonight. The twins are sleeping over, and I don’t want them to see you until they’re ready. -Hope

Penelope’s heart stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all,  
Thanks for still reading! I hope you guys are liking it :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all!   
I'm so sorry for the big delay between chapters, to be perfectly honest I just kinda lost motivation a bit because of the new season, but I'm hopefully going to post another chapter soon too that's a bit longer!   
Hope y'all like this, and sorry for the wait!

Josie hadn’t been able to sleep. The sound of Lizzie’s snores mixed with Hope’s tossing and turning, and her still being drunk on top of all of that had been a wicked combination. During one particularly violent shift in Hope’s positioning, in which she practically punched Josie in the face, Josie had rolled over to get away from her and had fallen right out of the bed. She was half-awake, delirious, drunk, and desperately in need of some sleep. So she’d stumbled into the room next door, her mind not processing that the room next door was Penelope’s room and that maybe she shouldn’t be going in there so late or sleep in her bed. If she’d had any sort of wits about her at that moment, she would’ve resigned herself and crashed on the couch in the living room, or just shoved Hope over. She never would’ve gone into Penelope’s room. But the rational part of her brain had already gone to sleep for the evening, so she tiredly stumbled into the girl’s room, curled up under the covers, and drifted off peacefully, the only thought on her mind was that the perfume clinging to the sheets smelled incredibly familiar, and it smelled like peace and safety. Burying her head in the pillow, she smiled softly to herself as she drifted off to sleep, completely unaware of what the morning would bring.

\----

Penelope stood frozen in the entryway to her room, her heart beating erratically in her chest, as Josie shifted in her bed. Josie Saltzman was in her bed. Penelope was too tired for this. She had no idea how the girl had ended up there, though she can’t imagine it had been willingly, but she couldn’t help the small smile that shifted up the corners of her mouth and lit up her eyes as she watched the other girl sleeping before her. Although shocking, seeing Josie so peaceful and free calmed her. She hadn’t seen Josie look like that with her since their fight. She couldn’t help but let her mind wander back to Josie falling asleep with her head on Penelope’s shoulder as they’d lay in bed watching movies freshman year. Penelope snapped out of it, shaking her head to clear her thoughts. Josie wanted nothing to do with her, and freshman year had been a different life. Penelope walked noiselessly across the room so as to not wake Josie, collecting the books she would need for her classes as well as a change of clothes before leaving as quietly as she could, sending off a text to Landon on her way out the door.

Once she left her apartment, she walked over to Landon and MG’s. She knew they’d still be sleeping, but they lived only a few buildings down from her and she had an extra key. Plus, she needed to shower and make herself look presentable before she went off to class today. She let herself in wordlessly and went into Landon’s bathroom to take a shower. She’d sent him a text letting him know she was coming, and she hoped he saw it before he got too confused as to why his shower was on. She grinned to herself as she stepped into the water. Ever since she and Landon had become friends, they’d spent a lot of time together. It wasn’t uncommon for Penelope to stay the night at his place, just hanging out with him and MG. She was there so often that she kept a drawer of her things, and a spare makeup bag in his bathroom. She’d even taken it upon herself to change his showerhead, removing the flow restrictor, so that she could make sure to have better water pressure when she was over. She felt a smile tugging at the corners of her lips at the thought of Landon’s face when he’d come home in the middle of Penelope standing in the middle of his bathroom with a wrench, showerhead in hand. Landon had been her rock for the last two years. After she’d moved out of Josie and Lizzie’s suite, she’d been left completely alone, and drowned herself in her schoolwork. She’d been totally miserable, and it didn’t help that every time she saw Josie around campus her heart felt like it had been run through a paper shredder. Meeting Landon had changed that. They’d run into each other at a coffee shop one day, literally, and Landon had spilled her coffee all over her. He’d insisted on giving her his sweatshirt and buying her a new cup, and they’d been inseparable since. They balanced each other out, and they always knew how to make the other feel better after a hard day. Penelope was so grateful for her best friend. She smiled as she finished rinsing off and turned off the shower.

Landon was sitting up in bed waiting for her when she left his bathroom. He looked at her expectantly, and tilted his head to the side, wordlessly telling her to explain. Penelope let out a shaky breath. She and Landon never talked about freshman year. He knew something major had gone down, that she’d moved out, and that Josie Saltzman hated her now. Penelope had wanted to tell him everything, but whenever he brought it up, she was steadfast that it was not her story to tell, always telling him that all she had to say was that she’d broken Josie’s heart, she’d had her heart broken, and she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. It was rare that there was so something Penelope so resolutely refused to speak about with Landon. They told each other everything. As far as either of them was concerned, they were family. So, as much as he wanted to be there for her, Landon never pushed her on this. Penelope knew she owed him an explanation for turning up at his apartment so early, though. She went through the whole night. How she’d been home pretty late because she’d taken a late volunteer shift at work. It had been a pretty tough night, and some of her calls had really been draining for her. She’d wanted to come home and get some sleep. Landon nodded and drew Penelope in for a hug. She’d been volunteering for a local crisis center that’s part of the Lifeline, and some days her shifts were really difficult. She shifted next to him and laid her head on his shoulder before continuing her story. When she’d walked in the door, she’d seen MG calling for her to join them, and she’d immediately felt a weight lift off her shoulders. Seeing MG always did that for her, and she loved him like a brother. Landon had introduced them, and MG had loved her unconditionally, and had always been there for her on her bad days and her good ones, and she returned the favor. Upon fully entering the room, she had seen none other than Josie Saltzman sitting in her living room. Penelope paused. She knew she needed to tell Landon what Josie had said to her. In fact, it was probably long overdue for her to tell him. She also knew, however, that she couldn’t tell him everything she wanted to. She sighed as she realized that she also owed a bit of an explanation to MG. Penelope sat up and rubbed at her eyes, fighting off a yawn, and moved to get off the bed.

“I’m going to finish, I just need to get MG. He was there too, and he deserves an explanation.” With that, she trudged into MG’s room, knowing he’d already be awake as he was an early riser. She found him sitting at his desk. “Hey MG, can you come into Landon’s room for a minute?” He turned to face her, a bit surprised, before nodding and getting up. He came over to her and wrapped her up in a hug. That just about broke any resolve she had left, and she felt tears stream down her face. She pulled away from MG and wiped her face, taking a deep breath, and saw him looking back at her, his eyes swimming with concern. He took her hand and they walked into Landon’s room together.

Penelope took a shaky breath before recounting Josie’s dare to her. She knew this would be the hardest part to tell both of them. After all, she was about to offer up a broken story with half-truths. She wasn’t stupid, she knew how bad this made her look. And yes, she knew that Landon and MG were her family, but she wasn’t sure how she could expect them to forgive this. She cast her eyes down before continuing.

“Freshman year there was this girl that Josie had been having a bit of a thing with. One night, she dumps Jo then ghosted her, I mean just blocked her on everything. It was rough. Well, she called me, and I basically told Josie that this girl was no good for her, and that she’d never really loved Josie, and in the heat of it I accidentally let it slip to Josie that I was in love with her.” Penelope winced, recounting the fight. MG nodded as if he’d known all along. Landon’s eyes went wide.

“Pen, you never told me that—” Penelope put up a hand to cut him off before continuing.

“I know I should’ve told you, both of you, but that wasn’t my best moment, and Josie made it painfully clear to me that she did not feel the same way. So I left. In the middle of our fight. And then, the girl came over, and when she left the next morning I walked out into the hallway to return her phone to her and I bumped right into Josie. The look on her face... It was just so broken, and so angry. I’d never seen her looking like that, just with so much hate, and I knew that hooking up with her ex was something she would never be able to forgive.” Penelope shifted and curled further into herself at that, her eyes flickering around the room. “So, I put in for a room change and I moved out. We haven’t spoken to each other since. Last night was the first time in two years, and when she dared me to go hook up with her ex I just lost it a little bit, and I had to get out of there. When I tried to go back in this morning, she was sleeping in my bed, so I just came over here because I figured that since I had an extra key and I knew that I had some extra clothes here and my makeup and stuff and I figured that you guys wouldn’t care and I know Lan is a heavy sleeper so I wouldn’t wake you up.” At this point Penelope was near hysterics, and tears were beginning to cloud her vision. Landon got up and pulled her in for a hug until she’d calmed down a bit.

MG looked up from where he’d been sitting, an internal conflict written obviously across his features. “Peez, I love you like you’re my sister, and nothing is ever going to change that, and I know this has been really difficult for you, but Josie is my friend too. I think you owe her an apology.” MG looked defeated, as he slowly got up and walked out of the room.

Landon looked at Penelope gently, as if deciding what he wanted to say next. He took a gentle breath. “Penelope, I know you. You are wrong very rarely, but when you know you are you have absolutely no issues with saying so and apologizing. It seems pretty obvious that you know this was wrong, so what’s really going on? Why did you leave instead of trying to talk to her?” Penelope sighed. She loved Landon more than anyone, and he knew her better than anyone else did, but she was resolute.

“Landon, I love you so much. And I appreciate that you have always been here for me, and you are truly the best person I know, but please drop this. I told you why Josie hates me, but I won’t talk about it anymore. Okay?”

Landon knew Penelope had reached her breaking point, so he backed down. “Okay, but you have to promise me that when you’re ready to talk, you’ll come to me.”

“I will, Lan, I promise.” With that Penelope’s shoulders released their tension and slumped, and she fell into a hug. At least now he wouldn’t hear the story going around from someone else. She finished getting ready and headed to her class.

\---

A few buildings over, Hope woke up with a brutal hangover, and her stomach twisted in knots. Though she felt that the latter was likely due more to guilt than the hangover. She groaned as she remembered the events of last night. She’d royally fucked this up. Regardless of what had gone down between Josie and Penelope freshman year, the girl still lived there, and she’d had absolutely no right to kick her out of her own apartment. At the end of the day, there was no excuse. She sighed, knowing she had to make things right before anything else. The only problem was that she had no idea how. Josie was her best friend, but to be fair, it didn’t seem like she’d told the whole story either. She decided this was probably a conversation to be had in person. Her class schedule was pretty light today so she’d cook dinner for her and Penelope tonight as an apology, and hopefully they would be able to talk it out. Hope sighed. Even though she knew what she was going to do, she didn’t feel any less guilty. She rolled over in bed and saw Lizzie asleep next to her. In all her worrying, she hadn’t noticed that Lizzie’s arm had been haphazardly thrown across her waist, but as soon as she did, she felt herself start to blush as her pulse began to pick up. She quickly slipped out from under Lizzie’s arm, and pretended she didn’t notice how the girl shifted slightly further into the spot she’d just vacated. God, she loved her. Oh. Yeah. There was another thing she was going to have to deal with later. She tried to put it out of her mind as she turned to focus on getting ready. She had just finished getting dressed when she was suddenly struck by the notion that Josie had been in that bed last night too. So where the hell was she. Hope quietly crept out of the room, careful to not wake Lizzie since she knew she had some time before her first class. She softly called out Josie’s name, and was met with no response. That’s when she noticed the door to Penelope’s room was slightly ajar. Hope’s heart dropped into her feet. Penelope always closed her door. Hope squeezed her eyes shut before making her way over to Penelope’s room, praying that Josie was not in there, but knowing what she would find on the other side of the door before she even pushed it open. 

To her disappointment, but not surprise, Hope opened the door and saw Josie curled under Penelope’s covers, with her head buried in her pillow. Despite everything that had happened last night, she looked truly peaceful. Hope also noticed that Penelope was nowhere to be found, and felt a pang of guilt as she realized that that was her fault. Hope walked over to the bed and gently shook Josie.

“Jo, you need to get up.” Josie simply turned over in bed, ignoring Hope. “Jo seriously, I know it’s early but you need to get ready for class.” Josie just let out a long sigh and buried further under the covers. “Josie, come on, I need to wash Penelope’s sheets before she gets home.” 

At that, Josie bolted out of the bed as though it had burned her, a wild look in her eye and let out a shriek. Lizzie came running into the room, her eyes noticeably widening as she took in Josie in her pajamas and Penelope’s unmade bed, her eyes darting between Josie and the bed before finally landing on Hope, who gave her an almost imperceptible shrug, which Lizzie returned with a very slight shake of her head, as if warning her not to bring it up. Instead, Lizzie snapped into an upright posture and turned to both girls before declaring in an even voice that they needed to get ready for class. Josie nodded before rushing past her and out of the room. Hope motioned Lizzie to follow her out while she stayed back to strip the sheets and put them in the wash.

Despite their early morning, the girls were almost late to their class, and they rushed in and slipped into their seats only moments before the professor. Maybe if they hadn’t been, they would’ve noticed Penelope seated behind them, her jaw locked, and her eyes trained in front of her. They would’ve seen that her eyes were puffy, and that she had dark circles under her eyes that hadn’t been there yesterday. They would see that her smile never reached her eyes, that her smirk seemed half-hearted, almost forced, and that she wasn’t making any comments at all. Maybe they would notice that, for the first time all semester, she hadn’t spoken a single word the entire time. No snarky comments directed towards them, no greetings for her friends, not even an answer to the professor’s questions. But they didn’t.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! Sorry I keep taking so long to update, but now that we are all on quarantine, I've had some time to work on this! Hope you enjoy this chapter!

After all of their classes for the day had ended, Hope decided to drive halfway across town to pick up tacos from the most popular food truck in the city. The wait was usually at least an hour, but she knew that Penelope loved them, and figured she owed her, so she didn’t mind the wait. Josie had gone back to her apartment to take a nap, and Lizzie had nothing to do. She sighed before pulling herself together. Yesterday had been particularly rough, and if there was anywhere she knew she had to be right now it was the apartment of one Penelope Park. Hope wouldn’t be back for a couple hours and Josie needed to rest. Lizzie pulled herself together and headed over. She’d tried to keep in touch with Penelope after everything with Josie had gone down, but having to meet so secretly had eventually started raising suspicions and eventually they’d fallen out of touch. Penelope never let Lizzie feel guilty for it, always insisting that it had been her choice and that she had brought this on herself knowing the consequences, and eventually Lizzie had given in to the names and the hating.

Lizzie had to knock three times before Penelope finally opened the door, and that’s when Lizzie got the full sight of her. She was in sweatpants, wearing a shirt she must’ve stolen from Josie freshman year and held onto. It was worn in a way that suggested Penelope had kept it in regular use. Her glasses were slightly crooked and Lizzie couldn’t tell if her eyes were bloodshot from crying or the joint in her hand. Probably both. The only other time Lizzie had seen her anywhere near this bad was after a particularly brutal fight with her mom freshman year that ended with Penelope staying at school over break. She couldn’t help the guilt that peaked in her gut when Penelope’s eyes finally seemed to register who was standing in front of her.

“Lizzie, what are you doing here?” Penelope rushed Lizzie inside and looked around to make sure no one had seen her come in. She said it with surprise, and in a way that made Lizzie feel even worse because she knew she’s been a bad friend to Penelope. She knew what had happened that night and she’d just kept her mouth shut. The door closed behind them, and Penelope was looking at her expectantly. Lizzie suddenly couldn’t take it anymore, and she burst into tears. Without thinking, Penelope drew her into a hug and tried to calm Lizzie down the same way she always had freshman year. They stood there like that for a while, and Penelope had to admit she’d missed it. She had friends now, but she’d always kept them from getting too close, from asking her too many questions. She hadn’t let any of them in. She pulled away from Lizzie and drew in a shaky breath to pull herself together.

“Liz, what are you doing here?” Lizzie pulled herself together, remembering she was here for Penelope and not herself.

“I came over here to apologize.”

“Lizzie, what are you talking about? None of this is your fault, ok? We went over this. I made that choice freshman year and I would do it all over again. I don’t regret it for a second, no matter how much Josie hates me for it.” Lizzie tried to interrupt her but Penelope waved her off and kept talking with a sad smile. “She hasn’t seen me in two years, and we both know what happened freshman year broke her heart. I think she’s entitled to an outburst. I can handle it, even if it seems like I can’t.” Penelope gestured to her disheveled appearance and let out a dry laugh before lighting up a new joint to smoke. “Liz, I love her more than anything in the world, and I would do anything to make her happy, even if that doesn’t mean me. Losing you was always going to be worse.”

“Why would Josie be losing you, Lizzie?” Both girls turned to see Hope standing in the doorway with tacos and a harsh look on her face. Penelope immediately directed her attention to Lizzie, and saw the color drain out of the girl’s face. The three stood there in a thick silence until Penelope cut in.

“Hope!” She tried to return to normal, and shot a glance at Lizzie, who still seemed in a daze. “Didn’t hear you come in.”

“Why would Josie be losing Lizzie?”

“Oh, you know, just, like, if Josie found out she was talking to me and—”

“Cut the shit, Penelope.” Lizzie interrupted her. “I’ll tell her.”

“Lizzie, you don’t need to do that—” Lizzie waved her off and Penelope fell silent, her protests falling on deaf ears.

Lizzie took a deep breath. “It wasn’t Penelope that slept with Alyssa freshman year, it was me.”

The words hit Hope like a ton of bricks. The room starts spinning. She feels like she misheard, or she’s being punked, but the grim look on Penelope’s face and the tears brimming in Lizzie’s eyes tell her it’s true. Her mind starts racing through a million thoughts, mostly focusing on how terrible she’d been to Penelope without ever bothering to get the full story. She feels like a terrible person, and it must reflect on her face, because when she doesn’t reply Lizzie starts walking toward the door, and Penelope calls after her something that Hope doesn’t entirely process but that seems along the lines of trying to be comforting and then Lizzie is gone, and Penelope is staring at her like she’s an idiot.

“Hope.” No response. “HOPE!” Penelope snaps in front of her face and finally Hope snaps out of it. “You need to go after Lizzie.”

“Penelope, I—”

“Save it, okay? We’ll talk later. Go talk to Lizzie.”

Hope runs out the door after her and catches up to Lizzie, out of breath, outside the apartment building.

“Lizzie, wait!” Lizzie turns around and looks at her.

“Hope, it’s fine. I know you probably hate me now. I hate me too, I should’ve told Josie, but I just couldn’t do it, not after this long. She’d never forgive me.” Hope reaches up to brush a tear off of Lizzie’s cheek while her other hand reaches for Lizzie’s.

“Liz, I get why you didn’t tell her, okay? I know it’s hard. That’s not something I can ever judge you for. But why didn’t you tell me you were gay? I wouldn’t have cared, you know that.” Lizzie forces herself to meet Hope’s eyes, and seems them swimming with acceptance and hurt.

“You know why.” Lizzie immediately turns her eyes away from Hope and pulls her hand back. Hope looks at Lizzie and feels her heart tighten and can feel it speeding up in her chest. She reaches out for Lizzie’s hand again and makes Lizzie meet her eyes before pulling her in and kissing her, hoping she can feel everything Hope isn’t saying.

When she finally pulls away, she looks at Lizzie in a daze, gently running her fingers across her lips.

“I think you should talk to Josie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it was Lizzie all along... What do you guys think about that? Hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penelope and Hope talk, and Penelope tells her what actually happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thank you all for reading and I am so sorry for the large time between updates. Thank you to everyone who commented, y'all truly motivated me to get this chapter done and I appreciate all of you so much. Hope you enjoy!

Hope slowly started walking back up to her apartment. Each step she took felt like it got heavier as she began to really process everything that had happened in the last twenty minutes. By the time she was going back into her apartment, she couldn’t decide if she was angry at Lizzie and Penelope or if she was just entirely broken for them, with Penelope having to keep this from the girl who’d been her best friend. She’d lost every single one of her friends and had been completely cut off from any sort of support all because of something she hadn’t even done. Hope took a deep breath to stop herself from crying. Right now wasn’t about her.

Penelope had moved from where she was standing when Hope left, and it seems like she went through the same process of realization that Hope had, because she was now sitting on the floor (in the same spot where Josie had been on game night, though neither girl took the time to notice that in the moment), and she was staring off into space, a blank look on her face. She’d spent two years with no one knowing. Just her and Lizzie, but they hadn’t spoken since Penelope found out Josie had been getting suspicious of Lizzie’s whereabouts freshman year. Finally talking to her again, finally having another person know, it was almost too much for Penelope to take. She felt like the walls of defense she’d carefully crafted over the last two years, higher every day so that eventually no one could touch her, were finally coming crumbling down. She heard Hope walking over to her, and she snapped out of her thoughts. 

“Pen, I don’t even know where to start… I’m so sor—” Penelope abruptly cut Hope off.

“Hope, stop. You don’t have anything to apologize for. I knew exactly what I was getting myself into, and I accepted it a long time ago.” Hope shifted uncomfortably in her seat, her gaze shifting between Penelope and her hands.

“Go ahead and ask me, I know you want to.” Penelope sighed and finally stood up, walking over to the couch next to the chair Hope was sitting in. She knew they needed to have this conversation—knew she needed to finally say it—but that didn’t mean she wanted to talk about it.

“Penelope, why did you lie to Josie?” Hope’s voice was quiet when she asked the question, almost like she was afraid of the answer. Penelope eyes snapped forward and locked onto Hope’s before she answered.

“Let’s get one thing straight Mikaelson, I never lied to Josie. I let her believe what she already thought because it was easier for her, okay? I never told her anything that wasn’t true. Just because I never denied her accusations doesn’t mean I ever confirmed them either. I was careful about that ok?” Penelope’s voice cracked, and her resolve began to slip. She reached up to wipe a tear away from her eye. “Josie and I got into a fight freshman year, over this girl, Alyssa. They’d been seeing each other, and Alyssa ghosted her one day. I told Jo she was too good for her, and that she deserved better, and Josie accused me of not supporting their relationship. We both said some things…” Penelope took a small breath, remembering what she’d said to Josie. She doesn’t regret telling her, even if it only brought her pain in the end and ruined them for good. She took another calming breath as she started twisting the rings on her fingers. “Anyways, it ended badly. I went up to the roof to smoke, and I must’ve fallen asleep up there because the next thing I know the sun is rising. Well I went back to my room and there’s Lizzie and Alyssa, asleep in bed together. I’m freaking out, so I wake the both of them up, and sit both of them down for a conversation. Lizzie hadn’t had any idea that Josie and Alyssa had been seeing each other. Alyssa was still closeted, so the only person who knew about their relationship was me. I think that’s what brought them together in the end, both of them were closeted and they were both terrified. I’m not trying to make excuses for Alyssa, but the three of us talked for hours that morning. We all agreed not to tell Josie. God, Hope, it would’ve broken her. She’d loved Alyssa so much and if she knew Lizzie had been with her right after they’d broken up, I don’t think she would’ve survived it.” Penelope looked up at the ceiling as tears started welling in her eyes. Hope wanted to reach out to her, but decided she should let Penelope finish first. “We were done talking, and Alyssa got up and left when I saw her phone on Lizzie’s desk. I already knew how it looked, I knew Lizzie couldn’t bring it to her, so I went after her. I caught her right there in the hallway and gave it back to her, then I saw Josie over her shoulder. She just looked so broken, Hope. She had tears streaming down her face. I tried to follow her, but she was so upset, and she never wanted to see me again.” Penelope steeled herself. She’d relived this moment constantly over the last two years.

“We’d already been in a fight the night before, and I’d told her that…” Penelope closed her eyes and gathered her composure. “I said something to her. I’d already ruined our friendship. I already knew she didn’t want to see me again. So when she thought it was me, it was easier to let her. There was no reason she should lose two relationships. So I let her think it was me. Lizzie wanted to tell her. God, she spent the whole day crying and trying to let me let her go tell Josie, but I wouldn’t. Josie already hated me anyway, there was no reason for her to lose Lizzie over this. And Lizzie wasn’t out yet, and she hadn’t even known about Josie and Alyssa, I wouldn’t let her tell. I made her promise she wouldn’t ever tell Josie, that she wouldn’t ever correct her. I made her promise to let Josie hate me. She didn’t want to do it, but I made her. I told her it was her favor to me, to be there for Josie and take care of her when I knew she didn’t want to see me again. I told her we’d gotten in a fight, and that my relationship with Josie was already over. So she agreed. And I moved out the next day.” Penelope was finally finished, and she tucked her knees up to her chest while she waited to Hope to respond. It felt freeing to finally tell someone the story—the whole story—after two years. She hadn’t realized how much this had really been weighing on her until she’d been able to share it with someone. Penelope felt whatever remnants of a wall she had left some crumbling down around her, and she felt tears start to fall down her cheeks. Hope immediately got up from her chair and came next to Penelope on the couch, wrapping her in her arms and pulling her close to her while Penelope cried into her shoulder. Hope couldn’t imagine what the past two years had been like for Penelope, losing all of her friends and never being able to tell anyone why or what happened. The one person who didn’t know was someone she couldn’t talk to about it either. Hope couldn’t help but be just a little upset with Lizzie, even if Penelope had insisted that it had been her decision. They must’ve sat there for ten minutes before Penelope finally stopped crying and began to pull away.

“Pen, I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine how difficult that was for you, and I can’t believe Lizzie would do that. You were alone for two years, and she just let you take the fall. I am so sorry. I—” Hope tried to keep going, but Penelope cut her off again.

“Hope, this was just as hard for Lizzie as it was for me, maybe even more so. She didn’t do anything. I’m the one who told her not to say anything, no matter how much she wanted to, no matter how guilty she felt. I know these past two years have been hard for her. She’s been keeping such a big part of herself from everyone around her, because she couldn’t come out to Josie without telling her the truth, and I made her do that. She gave up everything to just be there for Josie, knowing all along that she was grappling with guilt over what she did and over the fact that I was the one Josie thought responsible. I can’t imagine what that’s like. She did it because I told her I wanted her to be there for Josie. From where you’re standing what she did might look selfish, but I know Lizzie, and I know how hard this was for her, and how desperately she wanted to tell Josie the truth. She’s one of the most selfless people I’ve ever known. She lived with that guilt every day because it was better for Josie, even if it made her life so much worse. She loves her sister more than she loves anyone in this world, and I know she still hasn’t forgiven herself. She’s been suffering too.” Hope looked at Penelope and she could tell she was being serious. Lizzie really had given up a lot just to try to be there for Josie and help her through this. Hope hadn’t considered it from that perspective, how hard this had been for both of them. Hope’s face clouded with guilt and she bit her lip as she turned to Penelope again.

“I sent Lizzie to go talk to Josie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, so sorry for the delay! (Next chapter will be Josie and Lizzie talking about everything...)  
Hope you all enjoyed, and I hope you are all staying safe!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! Thank you all for being so patient with me. Hopefully you all enjoy this chapter, and I appreciate all of you for reading :)

Josie had just gotten home from her night class, and she was exhausted. It had been a long day, and Lizzie was supposed to pick her up after class and give her a ride home, but she hadn't showed, so Josie had had to walk back to their apartment. Combined with the fact that the class before had run late and she hadn't had time to eat between her classes, she was in a bad mood. She'd planned on getting pissed at Lizzie for leaving her stranded, then making her get them both dinner while she took a shower, but Lizzie wasn't home. Which was strange, because Lizzie didn't have class, and she was always in front of the TV right now watching some garbage reality show that Josie swore she hated, but secretly couldn't get enough of. So now, Josie couldn't decide between pissed off, tired, hungry, or worried and she was pacing her kitchen waiting for Lizzie and trying to decide if she should eat. 

She smelled Lizzie coming before she heard her. Josie turned at the smell, and then heard Lizzie unlocking the front door. She was pissed off, but a small smile still played at the corners of her mouth. Lizzie had gone to that Italian restaurant she hated that she knew Josie loved. Josie decided to play mad at Lizzie for a little bit, but she could tell she felt bad about ditching her, because Lizzie had only ever brought her food from that Italian place one time since they'd been in college, and it had been the day after she had stopped being friends with Penelope Park. It was times like this that Josie was reminded just how much she loved her sister. At the end of the day, Lizzie was there for her, and despite the front she put on, Josie knew she was one of the most caring people ever.

"Someone felt bad about ditching me tonight... I hope you have a reason to go along with the food, because I had to walk--" Josie cut herself off mid-sentence when she saw the distraught and devastated look on her twin's face. Josie felt the color drain from her face. "Liz?" Her voice was tentative, and sounded broken even to her ears.

"Josie, we need to talk. And I know you're going to have a lot of questions, and that you're going to be really confused and pissed but before we do anything just please know that I love you so much. I love you more than anything Jo, and please just let me finish telling you everything first, okay?" Lizzie looked like she was about to cry, but by the sheer force of her own will was fighting to keep the tears from spilling and her voice steady. She couldn't keep her entire body from shaking, but she was holding Josie with a firm gaze, waiting for her to acknowledge what she had just said.

"Liz, you're really starting to scare me, what's going on?" Josie reached out to take Lizzie's hand, but she jerked back and walked around her, setting the food on the table before sitting in one of the chairs, and gesturing for Josie to sit too. She ran a shaky hand through her hair, and drew in a deep breath. She had no idea where she wanted to--no, where she should-- start. There were so many things she had to tell Josie. She closed her eyes.

"Jo, I'm... I'm a lesbian." She let out a shaky breath and opened her eyes. She could tell Josie was going to start reassuring her, because the shocked look on her face was one twinged with a little pain but completely saturated in love and acceptance. She had to get the rest of this out now, and she put up a hand to let Josie know she wasn't done. "And I know you'll be fine with it, but at first when I realized, I was terrified. I didn't tell anyone, and I didn't want anyone to know. And then I met someone else who was closeted, and we started talking, and she helped me with accepting myself and I know it was the same for her and I have wanted to tell you every day for so long Jo but I couldn't because I made a promise and I convinced myself I was doing right by you by keeping that promise and I was terrified and I wasn't ready to come out and I lied to you Josie, and I let you believe a lie and I'll never be able to tell you how sorry I am for that but Josie the girl... the reason I didn't tell you..." Lizzie finally took a breath and looked at Josie, and Josie knew. She knew before Lizzie said it, and all the breath went out of her lungs. "The girl was Alyssa." Josie's vision started spinning, and all she could hear was the ringing in her ears and the pounding in her head. She knew Lizzie was still talking to her, and she could make out 'Penelope' and 'promised' and 'for two years' and she couldn't breathe, she couldn't breathe, and she needed to get out of the apartment and she didn't give a shit if Lizzie was talking, and she just got up and walked out. 

She had no idea where she was going, just that she needed to be out of that apartment. She just let her legs carry her, and she just started walking and just kept going, just letting her legs lead her while she tried to remember how to breath, until the ringing in her ears calmed down and the pounding sound in her head faded enough that she could think. Somehow she'd ended up knocking on the door to an apartment before she even realized what she was doing. She was finally snapped back into reality when the door swung open and she heard-

"Josie?" Hope was looking at her with concern etched across her features, and Josie knew she knew. Penelope must have told her. Penelope.

"Hope, where is she?" Josie wasn't sure how she was forming words, and she only knew she'd said them out loud when Hope replied.

"She's not here right now Jo, Lizzie called her and I didn't hear what she said but then she said she was going over to Landon's, Josie what happened?" Josie looked up at Hope and opened her mouth to reply, instead she felt tears streaming down her face and she let out a sob. Hope pulled her by the wrist in for a hug, and Josie buried her face in Hope's neck and finally let herself break down.

\---

Penelope had been sitting on the couch when she'd gotten a call from Lizzie. It had been hard to understand her through the tears, but she was able to pick up that she'd told Josie as much as she could but that the girl had just left, and that she wasn't sure where she was going or if she was okay. But Penelope had always known Josie better than anyone, and she knew exactly where she was going, and Penelope knew she couldn't be there when Josie did arrive. So for the second time this year, she left her apartment for Landon's. She needed to give Josie some time, and she wasn't thinking right now, but what she needed was a friend who would be there for her who wasn't involved in this. Seeing Penelope right now would've only broken her more.

The trip to Landon's was a short one, or maybe she was just more out of it than she thought, because soon enough she was on their doorstep explaining that something happened with Josie and Penelope wasn't sure yet but she needed to not be in her apartment right now, and she might have to stay the night with them tonight. Penelope must've looked worse than she'd thought because Landon and MG hadn't asked her a single question, they'd just pulled her in for a quick hug before tucking her into a blanket and sitting her on the couch with a mug of tea.

Penelope pulled herself together, and called Lizzie back while Landon and MG were in the other room. She told her she was pretty sure Josie had gone to her place, and that she was pretty sure she would be there a while, so she had come to Landon's. Penelope knew things hadn't gone well with Josie, and Lizzie needed to get out of her apartment. She'd told her to come over and had tea waiting for when she got there. Surprisingly, she found she still remembered how Lizzie had taken her tea their freshman year, and when she greeted her at the door with a hug and a hot cup of tea, she let herself forget for a minute how they had gotten to this point and just be grateful that she had one of her best friend's back. 

Once Lizzie had gotten herself together, she pulled back from Penelope's embrace and gave her a grateful smile. She looked past Penelope and saw Landon and MG had come back into the room at the sound of the door opening. They were surprised to see her at their door, but didn't show it. Suddenly, Lizzie was struck by a wave of guilt for all the people Penelope had to keep secrets from over the last two years. All the ways she had to keep herself and her pain locked away from other people just to protect Lizzie and her secret (she knew that wasn't how Penelope saw it, but at the end of the day, Lizzie knew she was responsible for everything Penelope had been for), and so, for the second time that day, Lizzie let go of the secret she'd been holding onto for the last two years. Penelope let her get almost a quarter of the way through the story before she started interrupting, and the girls were practically fighting to take the blame from each other. 

In the end, Landon was only somewhat successfully hiding his shock, and MG looked almost affronted. It was MG who spoke up first.

"First, Lizzie, thank you for sharing this with us, and we both love and support you." MG waited to continue until Lizzie nodded at him. "Next, both of you, what the hell are you doing here?" They both tried to interject, but MG cut them off. "I know you both love Josie, but did you ever think about how this would be affecting her? Don't you think she deserves some answers from both of you instead of you hiding out here to give her space? She doesn't need space right now, she needs answers, and she probably needs to get pissed, and I think you can both agree you owe her that much. Whatever your reason is for not being there right now, don't you think you should stop making those decisions for her? I bet she'd had enough of that about now, finding out her best friend and her sister were keeping this from her, were letting her believe this downright lie, and now don't have the decency to be there about it." Penelope looked like she'd been slapped in the face, but kept a stony expression level on her face. Deep down, she knew MG was right, she just didn't know how to face Josie after all this time. She wasn't sure she was ready for how she would react. She was being selfish. She nodded at MG, and turned to see Lizzie doing the same. 

MG got up and pulled both of them into a hug with Landon before turning and sending them both out the door to see Josie. They decided that Lizzie should go home and wait for Josie there and Penelope would go back to her place in case Josie was still there. They agreed that Josie seeing them together right now wouldn't be the best for her, and they both had things to say to her alone anyway. Penelope pulled Lizzie in for a long tight hug before letting her go and heading back to her apartment.

Penelope was holding her breath when she opened the door to her apartment. She wasn't hearing crying anymore, but she heard low whispers that let her know that Josie was here with Hope. She walked further into her apartment and saw Josie sitting curled into Hope on the couch. When Hope saw Penelope standing there, she nudged Josie, then went into her room to give the girls some space to talk to each other. When Josie turned to Penelope, her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, and Penelope could tell she'd spent a long time crying. Her heart ached at the sight of the girl in front of her, but she remained standing, waiting for Josie to break the silence. She thought she owed her at least that. Josie stood up and walked over to face her. Once she was standing in front of her, Josie opened her mouth as if she was going to say something, and Penelope felt her entire body tense. Instead, Josie reached up and slapped Penelope across the face, the sound practically echoing in the silence of the apartment. Penelope's head snapped to the side, and she drew in a sharp breath, but she didn't say anything. She might not have been expecting that, but she couldn't blame Josie for doing it.

She gripped her hands at her sides to prevent her from pressing them against the quickly developing mark across her cheek and nodded, blinking back any tears threatening to fall before Josie could see them. She took in a shaky breath and looked up to see Josie with her hands over her mouth, looking completely stunned by what she'd just done. When she made eye contact with her, Josie seemed to come back to reality, and rushed to the freezer to get an ice pack.

"I- I don't know why- I mean, I didn't mean to do that." She grabbed an ice pack out of the freezer, her knuckles practically turning white from gripping it so hard as she walked over to Penelope to put the ice on her cheek before thinking better of it and stepping back to hand it to her. "Sorry," Josie murmured it almost disbelievingly as Penelope took the ice from her hand, careful not to let their fingers brush.

"It's ok, I deserved it." Penelope practically whispered back to Josie, but she said the words with conviction, and Josie nearly winced at the sound.

"Why'd you do it Penelope? You lied to me for two years..." Josie's voice was small, and she looked almost ready to collapse. She'd expected the conversation to be angrier, but after the slap, all Josie had left in her was hurt. Penelope offered her a pained half smile laced with sadness.

"Lizzie wasn't ready, and you already hated me Jojo. I'd already lost you, and I couldn't let you lose your sister too. She didn't even know, and you already thought it was me. But I never lied to you, Josie. You thought it was me and I let you, and I never corrected you, but I didn't lie to you. I just couldn't let you lose Lizzie. And you already hated me. I just wanted you to be happy and I thought it would be easier for you. Lizzie wanted to tell you and I wouldn't let her. I made her promise me she wouldn't, so she would still be there for you. And it tore her apart every day Jo, I could see it, but she did it because I made her. I know you hate me Jojo, and I know that knowing this doesn't change anything that happened between us, but I meant what I said two years ago, Josie, and I want to see you happy. Please don't blame Lizzie for this, because she loves you more than anything in the world, and I was the one who made her go along with it. You already hated me, Jojo, I just wanted you to have your sister." Penelope had tears running down her face, and she couldn't meet Josie's eye. The girl had been quiet during her rambling, and Penelope took a deep breath. MG had been right, she had to face whatever Josie had for her, she owed it to her. She looked up to meet Josie's face, and she had an almost unreadable expression. The expression quickly faded when a spark of anger took over Josie's features, and when she spoke her tone was biting.

"Whatever I would or would not have felt was not up to you, Penelope! Or to Lizzie! You lied to me when you let me believe a lie for two years. Lizzie didn't even know about Alyssa, I would've gotten over it! But both of you took that decision away from me when you decided to keep me from the truth. You had no right to do that!" Josie's eyes were blazing, and Penelope forced herself to let herself break, to let the guilt swim across her face and let Josie see, to let her know she knew she deserved this anger.

"I know. And I know there's nothing I can say Josie, but please, don't take this out on Lizzie. This was my decision and I made her go along with it and she agreed because she was terrified and I forced her to. She always wanted to tell you, please know that's true. This wasn't her fault." Penelope was resigned. Two years ago, she'd lost Josie forever, but she didn't want to be the reason she lost her sister. 

"I hate you." Josie formed the words with malice and practically spat them at Penelope, before turning on her heel and leaving the apartment, slamming the door behind her.

Penelope pressed the ice pack further against her cheek as it melted and the water began to run down her face. She responded quietly, in nothing more than a whisper, sounding more sure than ever, her voice breaking with sadness.

"I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jo's conversation with Lizzie is to be continued....
> 
> Let me know what you think !!


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